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Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Just some random shots I happened to come across today. A London pay phone covered in premium rate sex line adverts hehe...		And someone's humour on the Tube. In order to make a difference for everyone, the emo chick won't drop litter, and Einstein won't eat smelly food, but will do smelly farts instead. Welcome to London.

Thurday, 18 February 2010 - Harry Hill's TV Burp... almost

TV Burp is a weekly comedy show produced and presented by British comedian Harry Hill. In a nutshell, it takes the utter piss out of the previous week's television, i.e. Coronation Street, Eastenders, documentaries and so forth. Go to YouTube and do a search for "TV Burp" - there are hundreds of clips on there. I've been a fan for ages and managed to get free tickets to be part of the live studio audience for its recording tonight. However, be that as it may, they oversubscribe tickets to allow for no-shows so entrance is on a first-come-first-served basis. Katie, a couple mates and I all got there nice and early, but unbeknown to us we were supposed to get our tickets validated or something by someone walking around holding a clipboard with no obvious identification or indication of their purpose, and so we and several others didn't have a clue. Anyway, we were given standby tickets to cater for any no-shows and allowed inside, where everybody gets free beer in order to lighten them up and get them in a giggly mood to create the right atmosphere for the show hehe - good plan! In the end we didn't make it in with our standby tickets. So we supposedly now get guaranteed entry to a recording later in the season, but still, highly annoyed! In other news my bike made it on to TV hahaha! There was some documentry playing on a TV while we were all waiting around to find out whether we'd be seeing TV Burp tonight, and I recognised the location as being behind the building where I'm working at the moment. Last, umm, Thursday I think there was a camera crew setting up when I arrived at work in the morning and locked my bike in it's usual spot. When I put two and two together I started looking out for it, and sure enough! Awesome ;)

Friday, 19 February 2010 - The bike is famous ;)

As mentioned yesterday hehe!

Saturday, 20 February 2010 - Croydon, Addington, and one less punk behind the wheel

Another one of those typical London days where it's sunny and clear all morning to tempt you outside, and then it clouds over about 1pm and rains (although it was snow today). Anyway I was tempted out and biked down to Croydon, a major commercial centre some 15kms south of central London. En route the GPS sent me up some friggin' steep hills, and through some friggin' dodgy areas (no shortage of them in south London). I'm not sure what was happening here but a dog unit was in attendance and Fido was going nuts over something hehe.

Anyway after an hour or so I found Croydon. It had all the usual suspects: main thoroughfare with far too much traffic going nowhere, pedestrian mall swarming with people, and...				...a Bible basher complete with mobile speaker telling everyone that Jesus loves them, and we should be thanking him for the snow that had just started to come down.

Croydon Tramlink is a tramway system in South London. In September 2008 a bus, swerving to avoid a car, smacked into one of these (and derailed it) which knocked the bus driver unconscious while his bus continued for another 100 metres down the street smashing into shop fronts. Damn!		I was pretty uninspired by Croydon, and so continued another 10kms or so southwest along some pretty nice forest roads.		I thought about asking whether they've got any part-time work available.

My final destination was New Addington. Despite the sun being out, the dark snow-filled clouds were rolling in again and so I didn't hang around long.		To any cyclists out there, what do you think is worse: a real bastard of a head-wind, or a real bastard of a hill? I'd have to go with hill, because at least if it's windy you can get up the ass of a truck or something and slipstream it along. Incidentally this hill has a 17% gradient according to a road sign, and oh boy did I enjoy going up that.

What goes up must come down though, and whilst screaming back down the other side of that hill at a squillion miles an hour, my fun was cut short by cops diverting traffic from this. A 2005 Ford Focus Sport Edition versus a bus, and you know it's bad when they're covering the scene with a tarpaulan. To make a long and gruesome story short, the driver was in his early twenties (note 'was' as opposed to 'is', and had borrowed his mate's car to go buy a plank of wood from a trade store, immediately outside of which this happened. Witnesses told me he was driving like an idiot, had his music blaring, lost control at this T-intersection upon pulling out of the store with his wood, and got T-boned by the bus on his passenger side. This punk was the only person in the car, and the bus hit him pretty hard but seeing as the impact was on the passenger side and the car didn't flip it's hardly a fatal type of accident. Unfortunately for him though, that plank of wood he'd just bought was positioned such that the impact sent it flying at his head. One of the first paramedics on the scene was a female and she apparently had to walk away (in tears). The fire crew before they left the scene had a bit of a huddle as well.

The air ambulance rocked up, but there wasn't a lot they could do.		Eventually the cavalry left, leaving the crash investigators to figure it all out. That plank of wood can be seen above between the two seats and beside the steering wheel. Drive sensibly everyone.

Friday, 26 February 2010 - The return to 30-degrees, hell yeah!
With being more than fed up with this never-ending British winter (and with summer hardly being something to look forward to over here), Katie, myself, and a couple chums are headed for Marrakech, Morocco for the weekend! The forecast right now is sunny and 30-degrees; I've only been in such temperatures once since leaving Brisbane over three years ago (in Spain for La Tomatina)! This will be my first time in the African continent, and I'm expecting one of the 'weirdest' places I've been to so far for me seeing as my travelling has been predominantly European. So yes we're off to ride some camels and are back again Monday afternoon!

Monday, 1 March 2010 - From Marrakech to Gloucester

Well it was short, but it was awesome! Quad biking (and having mine confiscated), camel riding, white water rafting, and a lot of wandering and haggling - we did it all. I'm back working in Gloucester for a couple weeks so the photos and stories should be up by next weekend :)

Friday, 5 March 2010 - From Gloucester to London

Gloucester, on a nice morning ;)		Apparently the females of Gloucester require some pretty hardcore hygiene. Chemicals, safety wear, discount industrial something-or-other, and feminine hygiene hahaha!
Anyway I was back in bloody Gloucester this week with work. My final week here will be next week (for now). This is the car they gave me to screw this week: a brand spanking new Renault Megane with just 20 miles on the odometer - much better looking than the older models which frankly look ridiculous! This little beast had buttons and knobs and lights and icons all over the show, but no manual to actually explain what any of them do hehe. With the commute to/from Gloucester taking about three hours, I had plenty of time to figure it out.

Saturday, 6 March 2010 - LOOK BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR CAR DOOR - PLEASE!!!

While working on the Marrakech photos today I heard a weird metallic crunching noise out the window like a car accident or something. I look out to find the cyclist on the left sprawled on the road, a wide-open and buckled car door, and people trying to help the cyclist up. Put two and two together and what you get is the fuckwit on the right had opened his door without looking (while stationary in the middle of the road for some reason) right in front of the cyclist coming up behind him and bang! This very thing is my greatest phobia about cycling in the city, and this happened to me a little over four years ago in central Brisbane - full story and photos of that here. On this occasion, it looks like the cyclist hit after the door had been fully opened and he's thus bent it round beyond its limit, buckled it, and now it won't close - see the right-most photo hahaha! When this happened to me however, I wasn't so lucky and instead hit the very edge of the door which fucked my arm and sent me rolling down along the road. So please, people, I implore you, driver or passenger or otherwise, you must must must look BEFORE you open your door!

Monday, 8 March 2010 - Marrakech!
Photos and stories from last weekend here :)

Thursday, 11 March 2010 - Four days later

Right well that's me back from working in Gloucester, and as far as I know that's the end of my stint out there and I've got no idea where the powers that be are sending me next - the exciting life of a consultant ;) While I was away there was an almighty fire in central London, which if it had just waited another day I could've gone to see but oh well.

Monday, 15 March 2010 - *YAWN!*

Looks like I wasn't the only one who had a good weekend ;)

So Karen, my mate from Glasgow, was in London for a few nights over the weekend for a friend's party to celebrate their engagement (or something like that, I simply got an invitation to the party so the address is pretty much all I needed to know ;) This in a nutshell is how the weekend unfolded then:

Friday: Met up with Karen at my flat after work, went to one of Gordon fucking Ramsey's fucking pubs (that's a link to a brilliant omelette recipe by him - check it out!) round the road where the prices are as high as his use of swear words, had a few pints, Karen spilled her wine everywhere, and eventually ended up missing the last Tube back to where she was staying in dodgy old south London by about five minutes. Actually, aside from the need to get acquainted with somebody's armpit during rush hour, the worst thing about the bloody London Underground is that it stops running far too early at night. So that led to a bit of dicking around negotiating buses down south (I live northwest) but we eventually made it. Upon arrival there was already a bit of an impromptu party going on with booze everywhere, which I should have anticipated given that it was all Scottish and Irish folk. So, naturally it would have been rude of me not to have at least one drink hehe, which then led to several more, and to a night on an air matress in the living room; all I'd intended to do was take the girl to the pub for a quiet pint hahaha!

Saturday: Felt a bit rough, headed home, hit the shower, then hit the bed for five hours. Come evening I fell out of bed, fed my face, then headed back to south London for the actual party. As they do (especially when spurred on by the Scottish and the Irish) that led to the consumption of far too much of Grandad's cough medicine, and to another 'night' on the air mattress in the living room for about two hours of sleep.

Sunday: Felt very rough, headed home, hit the shower, should've hit the bed but instead met up with Karen in central London for a wander since she was leaving the following morning, and perhaps stupidly another couple of pints (hahaha!) at a pub on the bank of the Thames. That eventually led to more fucking about with the fucking Tube which is also majorly affected by planned engineering works on Sundays. So more negotiating of buses ensued (which I'm really not used to - I cycle everywhere), and low and behold the Scots and the Irish were at it yet again hehe. Even Guitar Hero got whipped out this time. So that led to night number three on the damn air mattress in the living room because I really could not be arsed with the 90-minute travel time to get back to my flat by this stage.

Monday: Called into work sick ;)

Moral of the story, when you have Scottish mates who travel to England and invite you over to their Irish chums' place, be prepared!

Wednesday, 17 March 2010 - Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I see a leprechaun, and he tells me to burn things.

Thursday, 18 March 2010 - TV Burp... finally!

Last month I got free tickets to be part of the live studio audience for the recording of Harry Hill's TV Burp, but to make a long story short we missed out on getting in on that occasion and instead received priority tickets for tonight which guaranteed us entry - nice! After an hour's wait we were all led through a very colourful BBC building, past the random lolly dispensers, and into the studio. By the way, if you don't know the show, look it up on YouTube - there are heaps of clips on there!

The amount of shit in that studio was bloody mind-boggling! I wonder how often stuff plummets down from the ceiling?		Harry made his entrance, and that bald head got a bit of make up, and we were off!		The four of us were sitting right up the back, though the view was a lot better than it looks here.

Photography was strictly forbidden, but as always here we are. It was pretty evident that the show is really well rehearsed beforehand as they whipped through about 50 minutes of filming with only a few hiccups. As it's only a half-hour show (or 20-something minutes with the commercial break in the middle), the powers that be immediately start cropping it down at the completion of that 50-something minute initial filming, after which some scenes are reshot with a modified script for continuity around the deleted scenes. So yes, all very fascinating. There were the usual assortment of Harry's jokes, random guests, random shenanagins, and Peter Duck won the K Factor (again, if any of you actually know what I'm talking about :) At the end of it all (around two hours all up) Harry signs the script and gives it to the audience member "who laughed and cheered the most." I stood up to take the honour, and he bloody headed my way too before some arsehole further down cut him off and declared it was his mate's birthday, so he got it instead! The show gets broadcast this Saturday, and I made a few distinct noises and shouted a few things throughout just to see if I can hear myself on the night hehe ;)

Sunday, 21 March 2010 - Bit more of the same old really

Wen Da Praise Goes Up, by some black dude and his geetar. Well I'll look forward to that one!		So anyway another day of the same old London weather - 5% sun and 95% overcast. After finally catching up on much-needed sleep (still reeling from last weekend hehe) I got up the energy for another 60-something kilometre burn on the bike. I started out northwest, going through the same old suburban centres...

Through the same old suburbia...		Just seeing the same old shit really although the cycle paths never get dull :)		I eventually ended up some 30kms away in Uxbridge - quite a major suburban town in far-northwest London.

Yup, could be anywhere really!				Apparently dogs can read out here.

After leaving Uxbridge I randomly found the Grand Union Canal. I haven't had a good blat up this in ages so I followed it the whole rest of the way home (it passes within a mile of my flat - handy!).				I stopped for a drink and to enjoy the ten minutes of sun when these two went past (guy and a girl) having an almighty verbal about where they were and whether they were heading the right way hehe. I caught up with them round the corner. He was talking to someone on a canal boat and as I passed by he yelled back at her "See I fucking told you so!" to which he was told on no uncertain terms to "go and get fucked" hahaha! Awesome :)

Hmm, nothing like a nice clean canal.		After yesterday's rain there was a lot of this stuff around, so once again the bathtub didn't look too flash after I got done showering the bike in it.		Missing dog - there he is right there! In other news, I heard myself on TV Burp - albeit for just a couple split seconds but it's definitely me ;)

Wednesday, 24 March 2010 - Next assignment: West Bromwich, for six bloody weeks!
Yup, my tedious travels with work continue, this time to some shit hole called West Bromwich just outside of Birmingham. Joy. Anyway, I've just put another video up of my ongoing trials with London pedestrians on my bike - enjoy ;)

Friday, 26 March 2010 - This country is going straight to hell!

Right well I'm back after three of what will be a total of 28 days in West Bromwich with work, and from what I've seen of the place so far it'll be the only time in my life I'll bother going there. I'll get some photos while I'm back there next week and you'll see why. Anyway, I can't say much more for London. On the train back tonight, a previous passenger on the train that had just come from London left their newspaper behind, and this was splattered across the first two pages. In a nutshell, two groups of about 20 kids from two 'rival' high schools in west and northwest London have been causing havoc at Victoria Train Station (one of London's busiest) over the last couple weeks during rush hour - fighting and carrying on. The cops have done nothing about it apparently, and it all came to a head last night when one teenager got chased through the station, attacked, and stabbed to death by umpteen kids all in front of rush-commuters in what is believed to have been a pre-arranged fight (more info here) - unreal! In other news, just around the corner from my flat, two restaurant owners got into an argument which escalated into fisticuffs, which escalated further into a brawl between several folk during which one guy's arm almost got hacked off. Me, Canada, August 2011 - I'm counting down.

Saturday, 27 March 2010 - Earth Hour

Earth Hour is a global event held annually on the last Saturday of every March for which households and businesses are asked to turn off their non-essential lights and other electric appliances for an hour from 8:30pm to raise awareness towards the need to take action on climate change. As 8:30pm rolled around, I and several others with nothing better to do on a Saturday night headed to Primrose Hill just north of Regent's Park to see if we could notice any lights going off over the city. We couldn't hahaha, it was a total waste of time! However, I spent an hour or so biking through town because surely London could do better than that! Piccadilly Circus was plunged into darkness - about the only time I've ever seen it so visually quiet, so that's a start.
Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament were also in darkness compared to their usual bright orange glow over the Thames.		But no one bothered to turn the London Eye off; despite being closed it was still lit up like a Christmas tree.

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