Tarzan!

And of course, Tarzan needs Jane hehe.

So on Sunday we set out on a three-day trek in the middle of nowhere in northern Thailand, and this was our group. We had two British couples, a Danish/Scottish couple, a French couple from Madagascar who drank and smoked like there was no tomorrow, and another French couple who were raging lesbians. As Kristina aptly put it, we were one black couple short of a typical set of contestants on The Amazing Race.

Our first stop was a local market to stock up on essentials, such as rain ponchos and snacks and anything else we didn't have to hand.

Our second stop was riding these big beasts for an hour! And as luck would have it, I shared mine with the raging lessies hehe (that one on the right was definitely the man of the relationship).

Kristina was on the elephant ahead on mine, and kept telling me mine had a cute face. You be the judge.

She sure was a hungry beast though, pestering me for bananas and ripping out whole bushes to munch on.

It started to rain half way through and we were going up some pretty steep hills, and I was just waiting for Kristina's to come crashing back down on me.

So that was good fun, but by the end of it the heavens had really opened.

And then we got dumped in the jungle in the middle of nowhere to start our two-hour trek for the day. Thank Buddha we bought those ponchos hehe.

Ewww!

After a lot of slipping and sliding uphill and down, we came to our first of several waterfalls and river crossing of the trip. Thank Buddha we bought those sandals back in Bangkok hehe. Most of the group were wearing shoes - bad move.

The first day was definitely the hardest in terms of the hills, made worse by the slippery conditions.

Be that as it may, the scenery was phenomenal!

The final makeshift bridge of the day - looks perfectly safe.

And these were our quarters for the night in some dude's backyard on the river - comfy-womfy, and complete with mosquito nets although Kristina and I bought insect repellent in Texas that is 98% DEET (apparently doctors recommend a maximum of 40% hahaha) so I'm not sure we needed the nets ;)

No such thing as electricity out here, so we ate our rice and Thai curry by candlelight and flashlight.

Day two, and we woke to find a dog that looked half-dead sleeping on the remnants of a campfire.

This is the Thai version of a packed lunch hehe. We were each given one, and set on our way for a total of five hours of walking.

Overnight it rained really heavily, and the final bridge we crossed last night (above) had disappeared into the river hahaha!

Slightly moist underfoot.

More cool scenery.

And that half-dead dog turned out to be full of life and followed us for the whole day.

The overnight rains had made the trail extremely muddy. Again, hooray for sandals.

The rains hadn't caused this but at some time in the past they had - this is the result of a massive landslide. Impressive!

After about an hour we discovered another bridge that had been swallowed by the river, except we really needed to cross at this point as we had no other option. That's our guide there surveying the damage.

After he and his little helper fashioned something half-arsed together, we each successfully inched our way across. Safe as houses ;)

Four-wheel drive - no worries.

The rain held off for the day and the terrain was mostly flat, so unlike yesterday it was smiles all round. Except for the French lesbians - we noticed they'd had one or two domestic disputes.

Go Jane go!

The Madagascan chain-smoker found this furry little dude, and shortly thereafter we hoed into our packed lunch - nom nom nom!

After lunch the trail seemed to get even muddier, and somewhere along the way one of the lesbians (not the manly one) got stuck knee deep in it and it took two people to haul her out hahaha! She was not happy.

River crossings became de facto showers for everyone, and in Kristina's case a de facto washing machine to wash her ass after she landed on it seven times the day before hehe.

Dangerous though it clearly was, these moments were probably my favourite thing about the whole trek. And there was no shortage of them - I'm stunned we all made it out in one piece. We got talking to a Canadian chick a couple days ago who had already done the trek. She had a massive black eye after she slipped and face-planted on a rock hahaha!

All of these photos were taken with my (water-proof) point-and-shoot as opposed to my big beasty new DSLR since I didn't want to risk it getting damaged. As such these photos probably don't do the place justice - it really was amazing in there.

We were supposed to do bamboo rafting as part of this trip, but the high river level thanks to all the rain made it too dangerous (even for this part of the world) - gutted!

Cows - not something you generally associate with the jungle but this guy must belong to one of the local farmers somewhere. Note the wooden bell around its neck as opposed to the metallic bells in Switzerland :)

So after washed out bridges, lots of mud, and bickering lesbians, we finally made it to our second-night's accommodation.

Day three, and more wild weather overnight had left its mark.

Apparently word had spread that another bridge we needed to cross was no more, so we detoured over a friggin' steep hill instead.

During yesterday's fun I could feel my sandals starting to leave their mark on my feet and I had to tend to several blisters overnight. After only thirty minutes today I ditched the sandals completely and went bare-foot instead.

Again, stunning. Muddy, and a bit damp, but stunning.

No more rain today either, and only a few hours of walking during which we saw My Wang Waterfall...

...some more villages, and the French all pissed and moaned for various reasons about the trek in general. I have to admit it was a bit of an odd excursion. The guide told us nothing about the area we were in or the things we were passing and seeing (in fact we could have been going in circles for all anyone knew), the track was pretty perilous in parts with no forewarning upfront, and it all just felt a bit dodgy but at the end of the day this is Thailand.

Eventually we hit the main road, and chilled out over lunch. Kristina is sore from top to toe, my blisters are pretty interesting to look at, but all in all it was quite the adventure and really enjoyable for the most part. We now have an open day in Chiang Mai tomorrow to recuperate before starting the long slow journey into Laos.

Our final day in Chiang Mai today, and since we'd spent most of our time here not actually in it (we did the Chiang Rai area day-trip followed by the three-day jungle trek) we decided to hire a scooter for the day and go exploring!

The central area of Chiang Mai itself was nothing too impressive, but this area to the northwest of it was bloody nice.

We headed up into the hills to the west of town. Again, bloody nice and a great drive.

A great drive, and for some folk apparently a great ride. Not so sure about that myself.

A random little town somewhere up in the hills, every home with a satellite dish.

After a 13km ascent, our little scooter chugged us to our destination...

...and my legs took me the rest of the way up 309 steps (Kristina took the neighbouring cable car hehe - she was a bit sore after the trek).

This is Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep, a massive Buddhist temple perched on Doi Suthep mountain.

The temple is said to have been founded in 1383. Over time the temple has expanded, and been made to look more extravagant with many more holy shrines added.

Not bad huh. This is a sacred site to many Thai people, and a popular site for many tourists. It's an impressive piece of work to say the least!

After we left the mountains to the west, we headed into the back country roads to the north, passing through several cute wee villages along the way that I doubt many tourists ever venture through. Hooray for GPS!

Later tonight we checked out the Night Bazaar in the east of town. Stall after stall with everything under the sun, including this one specialising in weapons that are probably illegal in most countries hehe. It had tasers, knuckle dusters, flick knives, you name it! The bazaar is also a good spot for food, bars, massages, and prostitution - has it all really doesn't it.

And that's it for Chiang Mai, and for Thailand just for the time being (we're returning later on in the trip). Tomorrow we start our three-day mission of getting to Luang Prabang in Laos.

Today was the first of three long days of getting to our first proper destination in Laos, and involved a five-hour drive in this people mover to the nearest Thai town to the border crossing.

Pedestrians walking along the side of the road and dogs walking in the middle of the road was a common sight.

The route took us back through Chiang Rai, the area where we did the day-trip I bitched about last weekend. As such, we passed by the White Wat again, and this time I was able to snap it in the sun - much nicer!

Some time thereafter we went through a 20km stretch with whole chunks of road completely missing for no apparent reason hahaha! Thai quality. Actually the roads are of good quality here I've noticed, but if you're jittery behind the wheel then renting a vehicle here is definitely not for you. If I had a dollar for every time I've seen folk overtaking on blind corners and/or into on-coming traffic then this trip would pay for itself.

After giving the suspension a good workout we eventually we arrived here - the border town of Chiang Khong.

And this is our rustic accommodation for the night - nice change of scenery from that dive we found ourselves in back in Chiang Mai.

The mighty Mekong River (10th-longest in the world) looking across to Laos which we'll be entering first-thing tomorrow. What follows is a two-day "slow boat" that will take us along the Mekong to Luang Prabang which is our first destination. I have no idea where we'll be staying tomorrow night - gotta love it :)

The view from our room. I'm not sure what insects are hanging out in all that greenery there but they're fucking noisy!

We started the day today riding bitch on the sidecar of this scooter through Chiang Khong towards the ferry port for the two-minute chug across the Mekong River to the Laos border.

After ten minutes of no one (except me) having any idea what was going on at immigration, we were loaded into the back of a truck and whisked through Huay Xai to yet another port.

From this port we jumped on a long boat much like this one on the left for the 7-hour journey along the Mekong to Pak Beng, about half-way to our actual destination of Luang Prabang which we'll complete tomorrow on another one of these boats. Total journey time - some 16 hours. There is a faster way - speed boat that whisks you all the way to Luang Prabang in as little as just four hours. However, it's apparently a white-knuckle bone-rattling ride which leaves you half-deaf from the engine noise, soggy from the spray, and possibly dead as they're prone to flip and is generally regarded as fucking dangerous. We know our mothers wouldn't be too happy about that, so we opted for the slower 25km/h but safer option ;) As for these sturdy vessels, they look as though they've been tacked together using any old scrap. The seats on the left were once rear seats in Toyota vans, and the seats on the right look like they've come from a crashed airliner hehe. Even the engine is just a straight-6 cylinder Isuzu that's come out of a truck. Waste not want not.

Check it out, more lesbians - just like on the jungle trek, except these two were less discrete about it.

Anyway, off we went. Our boat had about 80 folk on board. Some spent the time chatting, some spent the time reading, some spent the time getting drunk, and the lesbians made out in front of everyone. A couple of the drunks whipped out a bottle of Laos whiskey and went up and down the boat offering everyone a free shot hehe. Then later while we were stopped to pick up some locals, another one of the drunks took the opportunity to climb up onto the roof and jump into the river (twice) before getting yelled at by the boat crew hahaha - brilliant!

This was our first proper look at Laos (up until now we'd only seen it from across the river in Thailand), and all I can say so far is wow! Laos is slighter larger than the UK, and yet its population is less than that of London. Much of the land is virtually untouched, and is home to one of the world's richest ecosystems. The country itself however is in the top 20 poorest in the world. They are aiming to shake that unfortunate statistic by 2020, particularly through tourism and unfortunately logging. China (which shares a border with Laos) consumes more timber than it can produce domestically, so it's increasingly turning to imports and illegal logging to make up the shortage and Laos, hungry for the income, is often willing to oblige.

As for the Mekong, there's no shortage of activity along its shore, mostly adults and kids fishing and swimming and throwing rocks at our boat.

And there's the occasional temple or monument to entice everyone to get their camera out (I always have my one out, so to speak).

After we'd been going for a few hours it was apparently time for a drinks break. We pulled into the shore and some of us stocked up on snacks while the drunks (who were well drunk by this stage) stocked up on beer. That kid in the blue appears to have spotted the lesbians going at it again.

Just another typically slow day on the Mekong. The Laotians are apparently well-known for their slow pace of life, much like the Fijians.

After seven hours we tied up in the village of Pak Beng, and the scramble was on to find bags and 'good' guesthouses. Some folk wandered along the main drag in search of a bargain, while some of us made deals with waiting guesthouse owners at the port and piled on to the back of their truck for a lift.

After dumping our bags we wandered along the main drag (actually the only street) of the village. Virtually nothing but guesthouses and restaurants, almost as if this place was purpose-built for the slow boat's overnight stopover. It's only a short stretch but it's a really nice wee stroll. Restaurant owners are keen to get you into their establishment, and they've got no shortage of competition. The family who owns our guesthouse also owns a restaurant along here, and offered us a small discount to eat there. While walking another guy tried to tempt us into his joint, and when we said that we're already going to that one over there he replied "Oh that one not so good" hahaha!

There are also the usual shops scattered around selling odds and ends, and apparently there's a bar :) Oh and we got offered some weed.

Laotian currency uses high denominations (in the thousands), and as such today was the first day I've ever had a million in my wallet ;)

With Laos being one of the poorest countries on the planet, the prices are dirt-cheap for us rich white people. Our guesthouse room cost US$2.50 each (and was adequate), this slop cost $2.50 each (and was adequate), and this beer the size of my head cost $0.85 (and was awesome :)

If not for updating this website almost every day I wouldn't have a clue what day of the week it is. Anyway, nice sunny one for our second day of nine-hours of cruising down the Mekong en route to Luang Prabang, with the same incredible views.

Several boats full of tourists plough this stretch of the Mekong every day, and yet the natives are still curious and seemingly perplexed by us. Except for that dude on the elephant - he didn't care.

As the hours got longer, every village we passed by had everyone wondering whether we'd finally bloody made it yet. There's only so much chatting and reading and watching lesbians make out you can do before even that gets boring. Even the drunks were over it hehe.

Finally though, there it was, Luang Prabang.

It may have been a long trip, but these last couple days of cruising along the Mekong have been amazing - a truly gorgeous and virtually untouched part of the world.

After dumping our crap in our guesthouse and finding food, we had a quick scoot through the (large) night market.

The usual array of cool and random bits and pieces are on offer here every night, including this stuff - Laos snake whiskey, also known as snake wine or Mekong Moonshine. Snakes are widely believed to possess medicinal qualities in this part of the world and the wine is often advertised to cure everything from farsightedness to hair loss, as well as to increase sexual performance. I was given a few shots for free - it's good stuff :) Anyway, tomorrow is the first of our three days in Luang Prabang before we head further south into Laos.