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Wednesday, 22 August 2007 - Women drivers!

I was going to put these up as Pictures of the Week, but I just couldn't wait. No captions necessary.

Sunday, 26 August 2007 - My first year in paradise

I'm not sure how I've managed it, but I have now been living in the UK for a whole 12 months. Despite the depressing weather, despite the nine months of working every day in Glasgow - the anus of Scotland and the official stabbing capital of Europe, and despite being very homesick, I'm still here. Bad points aside, the biggest positive is definitely the amount of travel I've been able to do during these 12 months and the places and things that I've seen. I've ticked a lot of Western Europe: Paris, Switzerland, Munich, Italy, Athens, Greek Islands, Prague, Belgium, Dublin. Right now I'm somewhere in Spain, and in another month I'll be soaking up the rays in Croatia! As well as the ease of travel, obviously the other main thing keeping me here is the work. Thanks to the pound, I was able to polish off my student loan back home after just a few pay cheques, and the IT market is plentiful so I should never be hard-up for work here and the résumé I'll be able to take away with me should set me up good. I've heard of Kiwis and Aussies who come here for a holiday and never leave - fuck that! I'm on a five-year ancestry visa, and as soon as I feel the time is right - regardless of whether those five years are up - I'm taking my pounds, my résumé, and what sanity I have left and getting the hell out of here!

Monday, 3 September 2007 - Tomatoes and black eyes!

Well I've made it back from Spain (complete with black eye courtesy of a tomato at La Tomatina), but the last 24 hours have been quite an ordeal! My wallet mysteriously vanished at Barcelona airport yesterday afternoon not ten minutes after I last had it out, and despite Jen being with me the whole time and us being away from crowds of people. As if that wasn't enough of a pain in the arse, we arrived in Edinburgh and our luggage didn't. Great!

Friday, 7 September 2007 - Rugby World Cup!

It all starts today, and all I can say is: GO THE ALL BLACKS!!! Just some news to keep you all up to date: as per the shot on the right, George Gregan is in doubt for the World Cup after being arrested by French police, and official complaints have been made to the IRB (International Rugby Board) about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves before a game by performing the Haka. Other nations were therefore asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own, and the IRB Rugby World Cup 2007 Organizing Committee has now agreed to the pre-match displays as per this document.

Tuesday, 11 September 2007 - Six years on...

No comment necessary really.

Sunday, 16 September 2007 - Oban!

It's Lisa's (the missus) birthday this weekend, so we headed to a little waterfront town of around 12,000 called Oban, some 150kms from dirty old Glasgow. It's a pretty remote spot but apparently the population can double during the tourist season (whenever that is, when the weather warms up I guess - HA!), however I didn't get to see much of it because it pissed with rain all bloody weekend!
Anyway, it is pretty nice from what I did get to see of it. Big lush hills...		Really attractive-looking fishing boats...

Gulls about the size of a small car...		Lots of swans and cans and other crap floating in the harbour.		Someone tore this one's head off, and threw it back ;)

On Saturday we (stupidly) decided to do a three-island day tour to a few of the islands in the area.		I was in dire need of a pick-me-up after a having to get up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday of all days to get the first ferry out. Apparently they aren't aware you can't treat minorities like this anymore.

First stop on the agenda was the Isle of Mull, the fourth largest island surrounding the UK. I was looking forward to seeing the wild raptors like in Jurassic Park ;)
Our visit on the island consisted of a 90-minute scenic coach tour along the coast from one end of the island to a waiting ferry at the other end to take us to the next island. Mull has around 500kms of coastline and coastal road, of which 95% of it is single lane which made for some good entertainment!
Sheep and highland cattle would meander out in front of the bus, oncoming traffic would underestimate the stopping distance required by a coach and there were a few near-misses and choice words exchanged, the buses were within inches of having their bodywork rearranged by these narrow bridges - it was great! Oh and the scenery was nice too :)
By the time we'd reached the other end of Mull, the weather had started to really crap out and the water was bloody choppy. The ferry on the left was sitting there when we arrived so no worries I thought; decent size and all. But then this little fucker on right came bobbing on in, getting tossed all over the show by the wind and water, and we were all told to get on it - great. Oh and put these jackets on too they said - it's gonna get wet. Even better.
30 minutes and a very queasy stomach later, we reached the next destination - the Isle of Staffer. This place is bloody unreal: looking at the shot on the left, there's a layer of smooth rock along the shore, under a layer of columnar rock, leading up to all the jagged stuff at the top (pictured below)!

This would be good stuff to cycle down!				The main attraction of the island is Fingal's Cave. It runs about 70 metres deep and is 20 metres high.

After a bloody horrible 40-minute ride back again on what felt like the never-ending circus ride from hell, we landed on the Isle of Iona (but not before several of us redecorated the side of the ferry with our stomach contents). Iona has a famous Abbey overlooking the coast which is supposed to be one of the oldest and most important religious centres in Western Europe. You can pay £5 to go have a nosey around...		...or you can do it for free by sneaking in the gate up the road instead hahaha!

Nice place. It's been here since the 6th century and has a lot of history to it. In 806 everyone at the abbey was found dead, possibly from a Viking massacre, so that's nice.

What's the best thing you could eat right after barfing your guts all over the ocean - seafood! ;) Oban has a bloody great seafood restaurant right on the seafront, with everything coming fresh from the waters we'd all just puked in.		I made friends with my little langoustine (like a mini lobster) before Lisa ripped him in half and devoured him. On the off-chance any of you get lost and somehow end up in Oban, I highly recommend this joint, especially after a good yak off the side of a ferry!

This morning the weather was still crap, and overnight a tree had blown onto the only railway line out of town and got smacked by the train we were due to catch, which was subsequently cancelled. Replacement coaches were put on which provided some more entertainment similar to Mull on stretches of narrow roads around Loch Lomond hehe. So all in all a bit of a shitty weekend really hahaha, and I never did see any of those raptors.

Wednesday, 19 September 2007 - To Croatia hooray!
At the crack of dawn tomorrow (after what I'm sure will be a lovely snooze in Gatwick Airport outside of London overnight) I fly out to Split, Croatia! I'm meeting Mo there somewhere, then it's a nice six-hour coach ride northwest to Plitvice Lakes National Park to camp for a couple of nights. From there we're camping our way down the islands off the coast for the next several days including the mainland city of Dubrovnik, and flying back out of Split on the 30th - nice! We're meeting a few others somewhere along the way, and hopefully I'll be back to my usual tanned self when I get back ready for another God-awful British winter. I've stuck a car parking lesson game thingy in the Miscellaneous area by the way - good practise :)

Sunday, 30 September 2007 - And back again
Yup, back again. Joy.

Monday, 1 October 2007 - Email forwards
A couple of gems from while I was away hehe.

How to check your car's air conditioner is working: First, roll up all the windows and turn the air conditioning on high. Then, put the tester in the car.

Yup, it's working! ;)

Healthy Living

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Hello - cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Thursday, 4 October 2007 - Croatia shots

All the shots and stories and whatnot from Croatia are up - enjoy (I sure did :) At this stage I have no solid plans for any other trips in the near-future. For starters I have no annual leave left this year, plus there are a lot of balls in the air at the moment with work and so forth and hence it's a little hard to plan anything. Wherever I end up next though, I'm thinking it may not be in Europe as I'm feeling a bit Europe'd out at the moment. I've been all over the continent in the last twelve-months with Florida really being the only trip outside of it. Anyway, we'll see what happens.

Saturday, 6 October 2007 - True to form...

Well what can I say. We looked promising as always. This early attempt by Ali Williams could have proved so crucial.
We nearly killed this guy just four and a half minutes into the game, and with a half-time score of 13-3 it was looking set.
But then - true to form - the wheels fell off, just like they've done in every single World Cup since our only win in 1987 (also against the French). Luke McAlister was sin binned in the 45th minute for being a cockhead during which time the Frogs levelled the score 13-all, Dan Carter limped off with an injury, so too did his replacement not long thereafter, and the Frogs scored their final try off a blatant forward pass that was missed by a referee who had an absolute shocker of a game and did us no favours whatsoever. I'm not going to make excuses though - we simply choked under the circumstances and that is pretty inexcusable for a team ranked #1 in the world. In fact, this has been our worst placing in a Rugby World Cup, failing to reach the semi-finals. Many predicted it though, and today would have been the perfect day to put money on the underdogs as Australia also bowed out courtesy of England earlier this afternoon. My prediction now is South Africa has an easy road to their second World Cup victory.

Sunday, 7 October 2007 - 33%
I just found out today that someone had placed a $5,000,000 bet (yup, that's five million) on the All Black's to win the tournament. The profit they would have made: $1,700,000 or around 33%. Not worth the risk if you ask me. Apparently the bet was placed in Australia through the New Zealand TAB. I hope they hadn't taken out a loan for that!

Saturday, 13 October 2007 - Power for the masses!

Lisa lives with six other people in a seven-bedroom flat, and in between the stealing of everybody's food, the rubbish dump for kitchen, and the pubic hair left all over the bathroom sink, I'd rather her than me ;) Anyway, each bedroom has one of these coin-meter power boxes so each tenant pays only for the power they use in their room. Pretty simple stuff: put a £1 coin in the slot, turn the knob, your coin falls into the locked money box below (which is emptied every so often by the landlord) and your credit increases.				Obviously, if you could get into the money box, you could then just keep putting the same coin in over and over again and enjoy some free power hahaha! I've knowhow key-locks work and the basic idea of how to pick them but I've never actually done it. I do love a good challenge and so when I got bored the other night I set about finding some 'tools' around Lisa's flat, and went to work on the padlock ;)

Ten minutes later ;)		And what 'tools' did I use; a paper clip, and the pin on the back of a badge - pretty resourceful I felt hehe. There are dials on the power box that record the number of coins inserted since day one, so if the landlord actually bothers to reconcile things then she'll know something's up, but that's Lisa's problem ;)

Thursday, 18 October 2007 - Loch Lomond (again)

There's a 30km cycle path between Glasgow and Loch Lomond that I've been meaning to ride for ages, and since I'm 'working from home' at the moment I've been waiting for a nice sunny day in which to do it. But I had to remind myself I'm in the United Kingdom and waiting for nice sunny days is like waiting for the second coming of Christ, and so despite this typical gloomy day I went anyway (and Lisa huffed and puffed along with me hahaha!).		The path starts out by following the delightful Clyde River, with all the outflow pipes from the nearby factories.

Then it follows for the road for bit where this is common sight...		Then it heads back off-road through five kilometres worth of council estates with graffiti and glass everywhere, and you have big dirt clods hurled at you by the local riffraff. Seriously, don't come to Glasgow - it's a hole.

After all that bullshit (and if you're lucky enough to still have both tyres fully inflated after all the glass, or lucky enough to even still have a bike at all after all the council estates) the path hits the Forth and Clyde Canal, complete with a sail-through fish & chip shop hahaha!
Not far up the path is this lock that lowers the water level to give water traffic sufficient headroom under the road bridge to pass through - pretty cool!		Not far up the path again is somebody's ode to Scotland and the UK. I took a big steamy piss just here ;)

The path is really picturesque for the next several kilometres, much like everything once you're out of fucking Glasgow.

The path meanders through several random little towns, and at one point takes you through somebody's farm with cattle and cow shit all over the track!
Apparently five years ago some students of this school set it on fire and destroyed half of it in the week leading up to exams hehe.		Just around the corner is this cricket ground. Lisa played a lot of cricket back in the day, and during one of her games here some random dude on a motorbike hooned onto the field, pulled a wicket out of the ground, and clobbered the shit of the wicketkeeper hahaha! Word spread some time later that it was drug related - the wicketkeeper hadn't paid up or something. Welcome to the United Kingdom!
This is the Rainbow Bridge, so called because it used to be colourfully painted to look like a rainbow. But nobody gives a rat's arse nowadays, and so now it's just an eyesore.		And speaking of rats, I can now add one to my growing list of animals I either have or alomost have mowed down on my bike (my 'favourites' would have to be the two snakes in Brisbane). This little fella (well actually he was quite big) was sitting in the middle of the path. I'd just looked back to see how far behind Lisa was, and when I looked ahead again he was right in front of me! I locked up the wheels and stopped about an inch short of him, but he didn't move at all! He seemed to pay no attention to us whatsoever until I touched him with my top in an attempt to pick him up and move him into the bushes away from the path, because if I didn't hit him then someone else was going to! He eventually wandered off into the bushes by himself but then appeared to get really disorientated, so I assume he's either blind, drunk, or stupid.
Not long thereafter we reached the cold shores of Loch Lomond. For the rest of the night all I heard about was Lisa's ring-sting (she doesn't do a lot of cycling ;)

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Page Comments

Yeah that will be the Glasgow kiss.... but here is a little saying for you.. so be careful you never know what is around the corner.. Love ain't like the movies it blisters and bruises and knocks you about with its fists It Leaves you a wreckage all postaged and packaged and sealed with a Glasgow kiss - Sealed With A Glasgow Kiss, just remember this man... - lisa

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Would that be the Glasgow kiss?? ;) - Aaron

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Oh how old is that pic? have to be careful or you may get the kiss... - lisa

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Hahahaha - piss off ya bloody whinging Poms!! - Aaron

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